Dialog, in its pure sense, means conversation among people who listen carefully to others in order to understand their values (from which beliefs spring), so that together they can develop solutions to difficult problems.
For example, first and foremost, some people value the enjoyment of their work more than they value the creation of wealth. Others, on the other hand, value creating wealth more than the enjoyment of their work. Most people lie somewhere on the continuum, enjoyment on one end and wealth on the other. Others, lie on the extremes of the continuum. These are the extremist.
From values grow our beliefs about working. You believe in working long, hard hours, while I believe in working less. We both feel we are right.
Now, if we have an argument about getting work done in a certain amount of time, we have difficulty creating a solution to the issue. In our argument we take positions based on our beliefs. Once positions are taken, creating a solution to the issue meets with great difficulty. I think I am right and you are wrong, and vice versa.
The argument, from positions, is not a dialog. In this argument we probably flare up in anger, and call each other names. Working out a win/win solution is impossible, so we compromise on a lose/lose solution.
If, instead of having an argument we have a dialog, in which we listen carefully to understand each other's values, we can usually create a win/win solution that satisfies our values.
For many years I have worked as an intermediary in business mergers and acquisitions. Frequently the buyers and sellers take opposing positions; positions based on their beliefs. It falls to me to move the parties to dialog; to listening to each other to understand values; and to develop win/win solutions.
Now that is fun.
No comments:
Post a Comment